go go ( gadget unicycle )

***

"so who are we gunna work for tuesday then ?"
fucked if i know

they havent given me a day all year

so naturally

first day i get work


oh paulie umm

***


fuckin ell

***


gotta take th young fella to school
in th morning

***


means i'll have to drag my carcass outta bed


***


go go montalbano

***

mark and i went to redcliffe beach for th afternoon
tide was way up
but

i stuffed th unicycle down th beach anyway


even managed
th crossing

from th
ramp

to th hard (ish) sand

we didnt get far
but we had fun tryin

made it to th waterline
and a bit up th beach

***


he was on his mountain bike today
bein pussy

***

i had like
ten fuckin crashes man

unimpressed

too straight



i blamed it on mark's thongs
bit big for my feet



mark was commentin

come on uncle paulie

wadd are ya doin ?

***

actually
i'm goin to murder dinner

***


nice unicycle
took th bump into th garden in it's stride
mark got into trouble
for ridin in gardens

security at th lagoon

didnt say a fuckin word to me

***

wouldnt have wanted to either

straight


dont talk to me


***


guy in a carpark
at woolies this arv

tryin to direct me past him
comin th other way

got a


dont tell me what to do cockhead


at full volume

***


at least i had new batteries in th mp3 player

***


grazi

..
..
..

so
i'm supposed to be on both coasts
north and south

on tuesday


just fuckin bent man


***


why cant i have a job around th fuckin corner ?


***


fuck it's hot

***


nice cup of tea this
"smart arse it's coffee"
"we ran out, sorry"

***

gunna lay under th shower for a bit
later

***


it's that fuckin hot
ya'd think nicole kidman was on top of ya

"hey ?"

you get on top and do th work
it's too fuckin hot

***

just makin some poor man's hash
play amongst yurselves

***


that's a bit better

what i should have done
before we went pedallin down redcliffe way

***

ten fuckin crashes

jesus fuckin wept

and then he cried

then we kicked him in th nuts



and he shut th fuck up

***


when th mountain bike was leavin
a two inch trench behind it

i went cunt up on th unicycle
but you knew that right ?

***


"i think th blonde thought"
i dont give a fuck what th blonde thought

***


hey jen
that sand on th concrete is a bit of fun

"till markie cut us off"


yeah it was a nice slide

"do you two have to shove each other as ya bop down th boulevarde ?"
we were havin boy fun

"nearly went cunt up again"

no i'm better than that


"that's fun acceleratin into th soft white stuff"
more fun saturday dawn
on miami beach with a pro photographer
runnin along flat out in th surf

beside th uni and takin pics

"we gunna see th pics ?"

we never see th pics

"best we've had taken and he asked"

ah well


"i had a nice weekend"
so did i

"i wanna fuck that black maori girl"

tell me about it



***


th fuckin subtitles arent accurate

i heard ya swear again montalbano

***



we're a month into th year
and we havent had a day of work
just livin on th pension
im shitty at ya man

december was fuckin quiet too

man's starvin


you gunna fuck this job i acquired now ?



***



fuckheads are us


***



"north coast fightin back"
"said we were goin north"


hmmm


we got a war goin on ?

"fuck sydney"


hmmm



fuckin mexicans


gunna be an interesting week

"more money if we head north"

"and tax free"



think we have some more words tomorrow night
when th young fella is back at his mums


"if i'm workin tuesday can i put a stick on tick tomorrow night ?"
we dont do that real often

"what it cost us in fuel for th drive down th south coast ?"

35

but we did a bit of wanderin


"lot of other beaches down there i wanna ride on"
"was readin in th paper today that th bribie beach is fucked" [north]

never done bondi
"not goin to either"
"fuckin mexicans"


you'd do it if ya had th money

"stoned outta my gourd and pissed as"

"yeah"


ppl smile everywhere
"Arent they fuckheads "

not a question ?

"no sadly"


***


in th surf

th unicycle


is actually
easier to ride

if ya can dig it


the ride is lubricated

th weeel goes faster than elsewhere


especially in th white water
cavitated
churning surf


"fuck he got some nice pics"

ok


"rooster tail comin outta th tail"
"and stuffin it down th wave front"

fun as


gunna do it till i die

***


"at least it wasnt a chick"
"askin if she can take a photo"

hey
th main thing is he asked

got a much nicer
performance

"wadd are ya talkin about ?"
"ya just went back to doin what you were doin anyway"

would i have done that if he hadnt ?

"judgin by how ya treated th video cameras"
"on burleigh heads beach "
"i;d say ya wouldnt of"


it's all about attitude
i dig nickie's attitude to th cameras


"not as camera shy as that fuckhead thinks"

tv crews are fuckheads generally
big egos
i been on fuckin television
dont help me for shit

"yeah fuck ya"
"We'll save th good magic for polite ppl"

***

"freaked out some surfer dudes paulie"

so


"top surfin beach"
"three video cameras at dawn filmin th surfers"

why we arrived in th dark
long gone up th beach
all th way to th rocks

just playin

"havent they ever seen a unicycle surfin in th waves ?"

twisted a few
ah well

surfin's too fuckin easy
look how many ppl out there fightin over that wave


only shit i have to deal with in my waves
is fuckhead little boys
who wanna take me down


and photographers


"and th odd blonde"

fuck th blondes


dime a dozen
run over th next one

***


"i wanna ride that beach montalbano's on"
"We could do those rocks"

it's finished babe

***


got a real nice feelin

jumpin off the

boat ramp


and stuffin it
thru th unridable


deep soft sand


i was first

off th edge

couple of guys out
in th surf

just amazed


havent ya ever seen a wizard ?

come down a beach before


fuckin mountain bike
didnt get much further than i did

"and he was aired down like we were"


***


have to watch that

"missing"

half black half white


no cultural heritage

***


jumped off this
bank

into th white sand
over th concrete

and stuffed it thru it

to find a fuckin mountain bike in front of me


scuse i mate


give him a shove and send him up th path
haha


come back at me
and couldnt knock me down

yur thongs brought me unglued more often


***


"black guys in th park were goin off"
kuta

***


still not wearin a helmet
especially
th shark fin one
with a wizard skin


wizard's gone man

fuck ya's


***



"we're not ridin brisbane city or th fortitude valley anymore"
"approachin beach season"

***


i wanna buy this van babe

"dig it"
"anythin gets in th road"
"we waste it"

***


"i dont drink saki ok"
what are you on about ?

***


"i dunno"

***

we havent dealt with japanese girls since we
were street entertaining in surfers paradise

this was sometime ago jennifer

"i dunno"

***

rainin on my feet
got em out th window


much cooler

***

"not as muscled"
good
"she thought you were a body builder"


we were ridin th beach a lot then


'feel better this time around ?"

it's taken th edge off
on th big beach
was really pissed at that last fan
takin me out in a foot deep of surf


"kept us off th big beach for a year"

got real fuckin sick of it
next one just gets a punch in th head


***


um dude
do me a favour
turn around
and count for me

how many cameras are pointin this way ?


***



fuckhead


***


pulp
"common people"


***


does that mean he's gotta run out and take me out ?
"it's cause he cant do it"

so


***


where's my baseball bat ?


***


just doin my thing

fuck off


***


"or be polite"


***


"hey tarz"
fuck off jane

***


Röyksopp
"Kings Of Convenience - I Don't Know What I Can Save You From (REMIX)"


***

ok babe


i'll stick it in th mp3 player

time to change th surfin mix


***


"have we killed this singin in th street addiction ?"

ask me after i havent done it
when i;ve beeen able to afford it

for six months

"hmm"



***


no more background
had enough


***


"diary says ya love it"

so


diary says i love nicole kidman too
but i dont do her

---

"bugger"

dont worry about
last time i looked
she was blonde

***


"too common"

***


anyway folks

i had a fuckin fat weekend

hope yours was too
..
..
..

love ya's HARD

the land surfer

***

p.s.


rehab
"it dont matter"


+++


im gunna go off ya babe
it's yur hair colour


i know it's pretty shallow
but i dont like fuckin common


***


radiohead
"everything in its right place"

***


"sydney chick on th weekend"

"pulled th same line we did"

"blonde"



dont know me from adam

like to keep it that way


***



go home sweetie
that's th girl


***


tellin us how good yur harbour is


***


came off th beach
after th photographer
had enough
and couldnt run anymore

later dude
glad i made yur day


went to th caf
had a cappacino


and found a paper under th driver's front wheel


i look at synchronicity

i'll read th fucker
it's todays


only story i found

that sorta made sense

was th

papparrazzi


bein put on
apprehended violence orders

by nicole kidman's lawyers


ah fuck

and i just had a real sweet shutterbug

tellin me i made his day


ok nic
i dig it

but that paper did show

a pic of oyu
in happier days


rescuin a

photographer
who'd slipped and fallin over



so one fine day
they musnt of pissed you as much


but um


i dont like it when they take pictures
without askin either

just ignore em then
and ride around em

specially blondes
if ya know what i mean

i get enough attention

can afford to be choosy


kinda feel for your plight though
ppl with camers can be
real fuckheads


when i park th unicycle in th car

and walk away

mostly

they dont recognise me at all


***


radiohead
"Creep" (acapella)

***


singin in th street
doin acapella


background
to a guitar and another voice

with a chick hwo' sat next to me for twenty minutes


decide i'm off to th car for a joint
havent got enough to share
sorry
i dont get paid

and she sees me pick up th unicycle


"are you th guy with th shark fin wizard hat on th unicycle ?"
"i didnt know that"

later...


***


she was a blonde


***


much as i love singin
i prefer to ride my bike


so i dont sing like a girl
in th street anymore


sorry if ya liked it
wizard's off

doin somethin else


***


"why put it here ?"
"th net's notoriously not th real world"

---


five years


***


fuck ya
i didnt get paid


i'm off to fuck around ona beach for a while
and um


there aint no real hard ridin

in your town


anymore

***

radiohead

"rabbit in your headlights"

***


played chicken with th taxis
in th street

on a unicycle
for five years


after midnight


but nobody knows my

name



it's th unicycle that's famous
i'm just th fuckhead on top of it

"infamous"

>>


***


it was a ride in th surf

flyin on th unicycle

for brit

who just happens to be blonde


hey brit


was th hardest running
most out there
camera guy

i've ever met


and i liked him enough
to be myself


was nice magic

thank you


you taught me gentle

***



"couldnt"
"surf a unicycle in th surf without that"

i said thanks

bugger off


***


water


***


seal
"crazy"

***


hash has kicked in


might try a cone of leaf

***


"popping seeds fuck th mix"

***


sorry

***


karma


***



so


went for a ride to honour brit
and hooked up with th best
cameraman i've ever met

sittin down by th nerang river
killin time


to go to a meeting where i'd see that sydney chick
expounding onstage
th same line i pulled week or so ago


readin my
synchronicity found
newspaper

somethin to do

read this tale about nickie
and her trouble
with th
cameras


and i was well out of it
and

brit's little brother
used to be a dead rnger
for tom cruise


ok nic

i'll write about it
but

nuthin will come o fit


just like those photos

i dont mean to be negative

just


i seen it all before
and nuthin ever comes of it

when it really bugs me

ppl takin pics
and

not even sayin

can i ?


just

do this for me


sometimes then
i think of you
and ppl like ya



who got it way worse than i do


and i count my blessings


but um

th magic still works

th music in th mp3 player died


in front of th tv channels video cameras

i'm off th beach

later

no sweet music fuckhead





drove up to miami beach
and had a swim

get it outta my head
fuckhead camermen


then ransacked th car
for some more batteries

and back out

onto th beach


miami beach
a ride for brit


and got a

"do ya mind if i take some pics ?"


no

not at all...


***



"what if he makes scads of money with em ?"

umm


then i'd probly understand nic a bit more i guess
don;t put it on me ok

"best pics we've ever done for anybody"


>>

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